LOVE YOU

Life threw us another curve ball a couple of weeks ago when we received the phone call that Matt's sister Holly had passed away.  Her life had been tough for a long time and she grew tired of dealing with it.  This is the 3^rd time in a few short years that one of these calls have come about his siblings.   Three tough lives, three funerals to follow.  It’s extremely hard to wrap our minds around.   Growing up in that family was tough for everyone;  failed marriages, abuse, mental illness, absent fathers, welfare, drugs, unpaid child support, police, jail, prison…I could go on.

 We’ve learned well how to put together a funeral, make the decisions that need to be made and get through the drama of parents who were never really parents and never partners.  Matt dove in with both feet as he always does.  I watched as he was the adult in the situation where no one else would be.  I watched as in his mind he revisited the way things were growing up and why his family has ended up where they are.  I’ve watched him get angry with the dysfunction that seeps from every pore of his family.    Most importantly, I’ve watched him take it all in and chose firmly to live a better existence!

He spoke at her funeral and said exactly what needed to be said.  He comforted and taught but didn’t mix words.  It’s moments like this when I’m proudest of him.  He understands what was missing in his family and does everything in his power to give our family what he didn’t have.  I see him struggle with the choices his parents made and are making.  I see him take the weight of situations that should never fall on a child’s shoulders.  I see the shadow of that weight cross his eyes and it makes me hurt.  He’s alone.  He’s got supportive, great people all around him but yet , he’s alone.  That’s hard to watch.

He’s a rock star at setting and enforcing boundaries with his family and sometimes they’re pretty nasty to him because of that.  But he’s always made sure that me & the kids know we are his first and greatest priority.  That’s saying a lot!

He’s been dealing with a lot before, and especially since, Holly passed away and I want him to know how proud I am of him.

Our 17^th anniversary was last month and I had intentions of writing something that might let others know how lucky I am to have you Matt.  I allowed things to get in the way and never  sat down to do it. 
  I'm lucky to have you.  The kids are lucky to have you.    I love you Mattie!  Happy 17 Years ….and a zillion more.

Happy Ninth Birthday!

Maybe I should change the title of this blog to Thompson Birthday Blog.  That's pretty much all I've posted this year are birthday posts.  Keeping in tradition, here's another one :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIA!

Nine.  It slipped right in without me even noticing.  Eight was just a few minutes ago.

I was thinking last night about the morning you were born.  You were beautiful and still are!   In my mind I've always been excited to develop that mother-daughter relationship.  Shoes, hair, make up, clothes.  Staying up late talking about the day's events, and when the time comes, staying up late to talk about boys.  All those awesome girly things! 

What I didn't figure in was how I'm exhausted by the time you go to bed and a heartfelt conversation seems impossible some nights.  So I send you to bed with a hug and a kiss and a missed opportunity to make a deeper connection.

  Or how my heart would ache when you learn about the hard parts of  friendship or feel left out.  

How I would feel frustration in those moments of teaching you how to treat others.  

What it would feel like to take you shopping and have you pick out things that my sense of style doesn't really connect with.

Yes, things are a bit different then they were planned in my head the day you were born.

I also didn't figure in how happy I would be the first time you said my name.

How proud I am when you stick up for someone who's being treated unfairly.

How much I love how organized your brain is & how you play with your toys EXACTLY how I would.

How much I love that you love Heavenly Father & Jesus.

How happy you make me just by walking in the door after school because I miss having you around.

I didn't realize how much I would love the person you are more than the person I thought I wanted to mold you into. 

I'm very lucky to have the chance to be your Mom.  I love you and can't wait to see what you have to teach me in the years to come.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL GIRL!

Happy 40th Birthday Mattie

40 Words for 40 Years:

We've known each other for almost half our lives.   It's been the best half no doubt.  You inspire me and countless others.  You strive for the best.  You always put your family first.  You're my hero.  I'll love you FOREVER.

SIX

I read a story once of a young couple telling her parents that they were expecting their first child.  The parents were extremely excited and the soon-to-be Grandma gave her daughter a hug.  

"I'm so excited for you." She said.  "But a little sad at the same time."

"Why?" asked the daughter.

"Well, I'm excited because of this new little life you will bring into our family.  You'll experience more joy and happiness then you ever thought possible.  The love you will feel will be stronger then any other love you've ever imagined." 

"I'm a little sad at the same time because your heart will never again truly belong to you.  Your heart will be concerned and worried and happy and excited and constantly praying for the well being of your child.  Your heart will never again truly belong to you."

 This story rang true to me.  As a mom, we gladly give up our selfish hearts to be replaced forever with the concern and well being of our child.

It's been six years since you've joined our ranks and boy, it's been great.  I am madly and completely in love with you.  I have loved this last school year having you to myself one last time.  Walking you to the bus each day after lunch, playing Memory on the front room floor, taking you on my errands and having you for my daily lunch date.  

There was a small twinge of jealously when I would help in your class and the cute little girl that had a crush on you would run to get the seat next to you.  Part of me wanted to stick my tongue out at her and say "SO THERE!" when you'd run up to me and give me a big hug and tell her, "This is my Mom!"

"YEAH!  SO THERE!  AND HE WANTS TO MARRY ME SOME DAY TOO!"  I'd want to say.  But I didn't.

Sometimes when you walk in a room my breath catches in my chest.  I'm lucky to be your Mom.

I tear up when I think about the day I was walking you to the bus, holding your hand and you looked up at me and out of the blue you said,  "Mom, I'm gonna miss you a lot when I'm on my mission."   And I told you that I would miss you more but that we would always write to each other and keep in touch and I would think about you all the time. (but I don't think about it too much because my chest gets tight and I can't breathe.  I'm still not sure how you send your boys away to become men.)

You were sent to me to remind me to be soft.  To love things wholeheartedly because everything is fleeting.  I need daily reminders of these things and I'm grateful you're around to do just that.  

Thank you for six great years so far.  Thank you for who you are and the part you play in our family.  Thank you for wanting to marry me instead of the cute girl in your class.  And thank you for taking over that place in my heart when I gave it up to you.  If my heart doesn't belong to me anymore, I gladly turn it over to you, Mason and Mia.

 I love you. Dad loves you.  We all love you.   

Happy Birthday Mad-dawg! 

This Should Be Shared

I follow a blog titled CJANEKENDRICK, You should too. Seriously.

Earlier this month she wrote a post Body Talk that I feel strongly should be read from the rooftops. It's poignant and beautiful enough that her editor at the Deseret News published it in today's paper. C Jane writes some pretty amazing stuff. This however, is perfection. She received such a great response that she posted a bit of a Thank You to her readers. You can read that here and you should, not just because she noted my comment either(yay, me!). Take a moment to read Body Talk and see how you feel. Like I said, I think it's beautiful and worth sharing.

On Your 12th Birthday: 12 Things I Love About You

1. Those amazing eyelashes and gorgeous baby blues
2. Your voice that goes higher the happier you are
3. The way your gut laugh is contagious
4. The way your hair grew in so curly this year. CRAZY!
5. The fact that your teacher never misses a chance to tell me how much she loves having you in her class. She loves that you always gets her sense of humor and can come back with something on the spot
6. Your willingness to forgive our shortcomings as your parents
7. You love with everything you are
8. Your love of spicy foods
9. The fact that you're 12 but you still let your mom pinch your cute tushy every now and again
10. You set aside time to play with the little boys in the neighborhood who regularly ring our doorbell and want to "play with Mason"
11. The way you don't argue about doing work but dig in and get it done
And last but not least
12. The way you stole my heart 12 years ago today, set up camp, and have occupied a huge spot there ever since.
Happy Birthday Mason. I hope it's been great!
Love You!

Dad's and Donuts

Today was Dad's and Donuts What a fun excuse for Dad's to go early before school with their kids, read with them and of course, there's donuts involved. Sugar's always a great way to start the day but add your Dad reading a book or two with you and what could be better?!
I volunteer at the beginning of the day on Wednesdays and arrived just as the majority of Dads were leaving, heading back to the corporate world armed with the musings of Curious George, The Cat in the Hat or maybe Harry Potter. Whatever their fancy, it made me smile to see all these men who lovingly took time away from busy work loads to spend some quality time with their kids.
Dad's don't get enough credit in my book. The good ones anyway. They play such an important role in the family and it's great to see most of them take that very seriously. We've got a good one around these parts and I'm grateful for him more everyday.
Mattie, Thanks for spending the morning with the kids. They loved it!